Friday, February 15, 2013

Cards Anyone?



Chopping the hamburger that is sizzling in the pan, I hear the door open and my husband walks through, kicking off his overshoes just inside the door. "Supper is ready" I mention as I turn the burner on the stove down to low. Shawn washes up and the kids make their way into the kitchen as I set the pan onto the potholder amid the taco shells, lettuce and cheese in the center of the table. "Can we play cards after supper?" Karissa asks and I smile with excitement awaiting a "yes" response from the guys. We have been playing a lot of family card games lately, as many nights as possible, and even weekend afternoons and snow days.  "Five Hundred" is our current game of choice.  We keep score (mostly just to keep track of when we should finish) and we laugh and we chat and we argue about who's turn it is to deal or about who gets mom for a partner.  (How come no one ever wants me for a partner?)

We finish eating and quickly throw the dirty dishes into the sink. (No time for doing dishes now ... we've got cards to play!) I wipe off the counter as Shawn gathers the cards and the score sheet, Karissa finishes the cookie she was eating, and Christian quickly finishes a text to a friend.  As Shawn begins dealing the cards, I remind Christian to put his phone away and Karissa launches into a story that happened in school that day. I ask her how her History Day project went while I begin to assemble the cards in my hand.  Shawn gives me a nudge … "It's your bid,” he says.  "Oh ... I pass," I state with a smile.  Okay, so we are ready to play ... Shawn and Karissa are trying for ‘Eight Clubs’. "We can set them!" I tell Christian as I rearrange the Jack of Spades to its’ new, prestigious spot next to a couple other small clubs I have in my hand.  The game begins as we toss in the ‘Joker’ and ‘bowers’ and smaller trump, all in turn.  Shawn and Karissa run the table for the most part, but Christian and I manage to capture a couple tricks.  Finally, it comes down to the wire, as we each lay down our final cards, hoping to win the round ... Shawn has the highest card and he takes the trick, banging his fist on the table as he lays down his card with excitement...

And the sound takes me back ... Memories flood my mind of myself as a small child, half asleep late at night, listening to the sounds of my parents playing cards in the kitchen ... in my memory, I am startled awake as one of their fists bangs onto the table as they lay the ultimate good card.  I also have memories of sitting under the kitchen table with my brothers and my cousins, carefully sneaking cards from the piles of tricks and pushing them up through the cracks in the center of the table.  (I don't think our parents were too fond of that move!)  Next my mind wanders to memories of my late teen and young adult years when Shawn and I would play cards on Sunday afternoons with my brothers and my parents.  Again, they would all argue about who got me for a partner ... I can't imagine why! ... "Kendra, it’s your turn!"  I hear one of my brothers yell ...

"Mom, it's your deal," one of my kids tells me as they shove the cards my way.  Back in reality, I pick up the deck and begin to shuffle.  The cards bend and flutter rhythmically as I shuffle the cards again and again.  By sets of two, I begin to send the cards around the table, then decide to deal them by threes, pausing to throw a few in the ‘blind’.  As Shawn and the kids begin contemplating their cards, my mind wanders for a moment longer …

It’s amazing how cards can cross generations and other barriers.  My Grandma and Grandpa Einck are the King and Queen of playing ‘Tic’ and love to talk others into playing a game or two; and my Grandma Bohr was the Queen of anything that had to do with cards in her day.  One of my fondest memories of my Dad is the time that he and I spent playing ‘Rummy’ on Monday mornings before I would take off at noon for another week at UNI.  It is one of the few ways he and I spent uniquely father-daughter time.

As the cards once again make their way around the table, I realize how much you can learn about life from a game of cards.  Some games are a matter of skill and strategy and sometimes it’s a matter of knowing how to communicate and work with a partner.  Many times, it is just the luck of the draw, the cards we are dealt, and sometimes there is nothing we can do about how the cards may stack up.  At times, we may think we’ve got it made … we’ve got the high card … then someone or something comes along and trumps our whole plan ... but that’s just the way it goes!  In life, like in cards, we will win some and we will lose some.  But it doesn't really matter, for in the end, it is just about the fun we had, the memories made, and the lessons learned while playing the game …

So anyway ... “Is it my turn again?”


Sunday, January 27, 2013

Family is a Treasure


My family is my treasure! My husband and my children are my life, my mother is my best friend, and my brothers hold a place deep in my heart. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws and even steps are precious gifts as well. Every day I give thanks for the moments spent with my family … the yesterdays, the todays, and the tomorrows … the good times and the bad … the thick and the thin… the laughter and the tears. I wouldn’t trade a moment! As long as I live I will remember the past, cling tight to each present moment and long for just one more day. I am well aware that we never know what tomorrow may bring. We’ve each been given just one lifetime and one family. Families were meant to be together, for however long God will allow, and we were meant to make memories and bonds with each other to cross generations and lifetimes for years to come!

Therefore, it breaks my heart to pieces when I see other families throwing away their present moments for no better reason than the sake of old grudges. There is nothing in this world worth breaking apart a family! We all have our issues … annoying habits and difficult personalities to ignore. We all make mistakes … say things we don’t mean and do things we can’t take back. But burned bridges actually can be rebuilt; and wounds, though they may scar, do heal in the end. Remember that no cut is too deep … it is the bloodline of a family that runs deeper yet! There are far too many things breaking families apart that are beyond our control to waste one moment waiting for those things to arrive.

So I tell you with urgency and a tear in my eye … Whether you are someone who needs to forgive or the one who needs forgiveness; whether you think you are right or the one that is wrong ; whether you are the one who should make the first move, the one to encourage, or the one who needs to step aside and allow a loved one to make a mends … perhaps you have even forgotten what the fight has been for. Whoever you are … LISTEN to me today. Lay down your swords. Let go of your pride and let go of your fears! Shed your resentments, your envy, or your shame. Step aside … do your part … forgive … forget … and damn it, get on with it TODAY!!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Perfection is Not a Requirement



Last week, outside my daughter’s dance class, I waited in the quiet of my van, surrounded by the groceries and Walmart bags I had collected on my weekly errand run.  As I waited, young girls of various ages came in and out … going to and from their dance classes.  I was intrigued by each young girl …  I’ve seen toddlers in their tu-tus clinging tight to their mothers’ hands; while others run eagerly ahead as their mothers caution them to not run into the street.  I’ve seen elementary and middle school girls struggling to find their bags and their shoes and excitedly telling their mothers about the things they learned in class.  I’ve seen teenage girls nervously playing with their phones while other girls are giggling and whispering and gossiping about “friends” they may secretly envy.   I’ve seen shy, quiet girls steadily gaining confidence as they become more poised and graceful with each class.  

As a woman who has recently crept into my forties, I am thankful to be beyond those years … grateful to be comfortable in my own skin and happy to be who I am (despite my flaws).  Of course I have “bad hair days” when my flaws seem more apparent than others, but somehow I can usually find a hair brush and an iron and manage to get my attitude combed right back into place.  

Self esteem can be an issue for some … especially for women … and particularly for teenage girls.  There will always be people who have “better hair” … those who are thinner or in better shape, have more money -- wear name brand jeans or drive nicer cars, have more talents, more luck or more time, and those who are more successful, etc… but that is okay! 

The grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence … and others’ hair will always seem to be a little curlier or straighter or not quite as gray … but we never truly know what lies at the roots … what truly goes on inside another person’s heart!  The woman with the fancy house may wish she had a family to share it with; the family in the tiny home may be content just to have each other ... the person who is the life of the party may feel lonely despite the crowd; the person who often spends time alone, may gain strength in her moments of solitude … the girl who is tiny may feel she is fat while the person who is heavy may simply want health ... the student who gets an A- may feel she could have done better while the student with all C’s may be ecstatic that their efforts paid off.  

Self esteem is NOT a realization that we are better than others … or even a realization that we are similar … we are all different!  We have different personalities and ideals.  Self esteem is simply an acceptance of ourselves … our talents and our flaws.   Of course, we should always strive to better … if it is something we deem as important … but not as a way to impress someone else.  Perfection is not a requirement.  Comparisons are a hazard!   Life is not meant to be a competition … or a popularity contest … we do not need to prove ourselves to others -- they will be too busy fixing their own hair to notice anyway! :-).  So join me today in quietly acknowledging and accepting our own flaws (and successes) and lets go ahead and give someone else a compliment or a smile ... you never know the kind of "hair day" they may be having.  

 Now if you’ll excuse me …I’ve got to run … it’s been an enjoyable and busy day at home … and I haven’t even had time to do my hair!   :-)   

Saturday, January 5, 2013

"Woo Hoo! What a Ride!"


Wrapped in a blanket of December snow, 2012 came to a close while 2013 eagerly skated in on the blades of a January chill. I hope all of you enjoyed the holidays - I know I did. My end of the year was filled with family from both near and far; giving and receiving of special gifts; smiles and laughter; lots of good food and a few quiet moments as well. I received a number of special gifts during the holidays but the one that sums it up the most for me was the framed quote that my mother gave me which states "Life should not be a journey to the grave with intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body; but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'Woo Hoo What a Ride'!!" … I believe it was George Carlin that made that statement … but I couldn't have said it better myself! And what a ride 2012 turned out to be! Hopefully you all had a successful year. I know I am proud to say I accomplished a number of items on my bucket list.

Just this year I managed to:

1. Start writing a blog
2. Attend a Blue Man Group Performance
3. Experience a Hibachi Grill
4. Attend a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game.
5. Attend a Kansas City Royals baseball game.
6. Publish my first book
7. Watch my first volleyball game -- thanks Karissa for playing
8. Become a Notary Public
9. Spend many quality moments with my family
10. ... and a few other things.

Not bad, if I do say so myself... However, I have many things I still need to accomplish ... So thank God for the New Year!! It is time to start again on a whole set of New Year’s Resolutions and action plans for bucket list items. Last year when I started this blog, I created a number of "Pages" on the right hand side of the screen regarding bucket lists and the approach I recommend. So, whether you are new to my website or just need a refresher, please review the pages on the right.  (So what if you haven’t made (or kept) a New Year’s Resolution in years … this may be your year!)  Personally, I hopped on board right away again this year and got started on my list. Although it is only January 5th, the tickets to one of the three baseball games/stadiums my family and I plan to attend this year have already arrived.  (Before the end of the year we will be a third of the way to reaching our family goal of attending games at all of the major league baseball stadiums ... we are excited!) We are also hoping to check out a show on Broadway this year; and so far I have managed to drag myself onto the treadmill each  morning of 2013.

So whether you plan to take this new year by treadmill, speed boat or roller coaster, please join me as I hop aboard and give the new year a ride .... are you with me? Let me hear a "Woo Hoo!!"

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Let There Be Peace

I am up early today … partly because I thoroughly enjoy a cup of coffee when the house is still quiet, but also because I need to regroup and get things done after a long, busy week, as I get ready to greet another jam-packed day.  Yes, it is December, and the Christmas season is upon us.  Life as a working mother can be very hectic to begin with, and as women we often strive for perfection.  But for some reason, most of us tend to put even higher expectations on ourselves this time of year  -- expectations that are often not even obtainable.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

By the day after Thanksgiving, we begin spending money and time shopping for the perfect gifts to make our family members, close friends and even clients happy.  We suddenly think we are Martha Stewart and attempt to find time to decorate our houses with lights and garland and trees.  We aspire to be Betty Crocker to make cut out cookies and gingerbread men and a variety of Christmassy treats, and our social calendars fill up with holiday events despite our prior engagements.  In a frenzy of busyness, we attempt to make the season perfect -- but why?  

Life is not a race nor a competition.  It is not a Hallmark Movie or a Disney Fairytale.  Despite our best efforts, we will disappoint people (usually those we love most), we will make mistakes, we will offend  people, and some may disapprove of our decisions and our actions.  We can not do it all … we can not be two places at once … we can not do more than time will allow… and we can’t control our circumstances or other people.  We need to let our unachievable expectations slide ... we need to simply try our best, keep realistic goals and remember that life is sometimes beyond our control.  

It is important to remember the true meaning of Christmas.  Imagine how Joseph must have felt that first Christmas Eve, trying to provide for his family while circumstances were beyond his control.  Imagine the high expectations on Mary, being the mother to the son of God.  But yet in the simple shelter of a stable on Christmas Eve, they had peace and gladness in their hearts …      

I invite you to join me this Christmas season (and all throughout the year) in setting aside our impossible expectations, ill-shaped (or boughten or even unattempted) cutout cookies, lopsided trees and empty pocket books.  Let’s let go of our unfinished tasks, unmet ideals, feelings of guilt and fear of disappointing others.  Let’s remember the true meaning of Christmas and enjoy each moment from this day forward ... 

Please join me today in proclaiming "Let there be Peace on earth -- and let it begin with me!"