Perfection is Not a Requirement

Last week, outside my daughter’s dance class, I waited in the quiet of my van, surrounded by the groceries and Walmart bags I had collected on my weekly errand run.  As I waited, young girls of various ages came in and out … going to and from their dance classes.  I was intrigued by each young girl …  I’ve seen toddlers in their tu-tus clinging tight to their mothers’ hands; while others run eagerly ahead as their mothers caution them to not run into the street.  I’ve seen elementary and middle school girls struggling to find their bags and their shoes and excitedly telling their mothers about the things they learned in class.  I’ve seen teenage girls nervously playing with their phones while other girls are giggling and whispering and gossiping about “friends” they may secretly envy.   I’ve seen shy, quiet girls steadily gaining confidence as they become more poised and graceful with each class.  

As a woman who has recently crept into my forties, I am thankful to be beyond those years … grateful to be comfortable in my own skin and happy to be who I am (despite my flaws).  Of course I have “bad hair days” when my flaws seem more apparent than others, but somehow I can usually find a hair brush and an iron and manage to get my attitude combed right back into place.  

Self esteem can be an issue for some … especially for women … and particularly for teenage girls.  There will always be people who have “better hair” … those who are thinner or in better shape, have more money -- wear name brand jeans or drive nicer cars, have more talents, more luck or more time, and those who are more successful, etc… but that is okay! 

The grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence … and others’ hair will always seem to be a little curlier or straighter or not quite as gray … but we never truly know what lies at the roots … what truly goes on inside another person’s heart!  The woman with the fancy house may wish she had a family to share it with; the family in the tiny home may be content just to have each other ... the person who is the life of the party may feel lonely despite the crowd; the person who often spends time alone, may gain strength in her moments of solitude … the girl who is tiny may feel she is fat while the person who is heavy may simply want health ... the student who gets an A- may feel she could have done better while the student with all C’s may be ecstatic that their efforts paid off.  

Self esteem is NOT a realization that we are better than others … or even a realization that we are similar … we are all different!  We have different personalities and ideals.  Self esteem is simply an acceptance of ourselves … our talents and our flaws.   Of course, we should always strive to better … if it is something we deem as important … but not as a way to impress someone else.  Perfection is not a requirement.  Comparisons are a hazard!   Life is not meant to be a competition … or a popularity contest … we do not need to prove ourselves to others -- they will be too busy fixing their own hair to notice anyway! :-).  So join me today in quietly acknowledging and accepting our own flaws (and successes) and lets go ahead and give someone else a compliment or a smile ... you never know the kind of "hair day" they may be having.  

 Now if you’ll excuse me …I’ve got to run … it’s been an enjoyable and busy day at home … and I haven’t even had time to do my hair!   :-)   

"Woo Hoo! What a Ride!"

Wrapped in a blanket of December snow, 2012 came to a close while 2013 eagerly skated in on the blades of a January chill. I hope all of you enjoyed the holidays - I know I did. My end of the year was filled with family from both near and far; giving and receiving of special gifts; smiles and laughter; lots of good food and a few quiet moments as well. I received a number of special gifts during the holidays but the one that sums it up the most for me was the framed quote that my mother gave me which states "Life should not be a journey to the grave with intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body; but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'Woo Hoo What a Ride'!!" … I believe it was George Carlin that made that statement … but I couldn't have said it better myself! And what a ride 2012 turned out to be! Hopefully you all had a successful year. I know I am proud to say I accomplished a number of items on my bucket list.

Just this year I managed to:

1. Start writing a blog

2. Attend a Blue Man Group Performance

3. Experience a Hibachi Grill

4. Attend a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game.

5. Attend a Kansas City Royals baseball game.

6. Publish my first book

7. Watch my first volleyball game -- thanks Karissa for playing

8. Become a Notary Public

9. Spend many quality moments with my family

10. ... and a few other things.

Not bad, if I do say so myself... However, I have many things I still need to accomplish ... So thank God for the New Year!! It is time to start again on a whole set of New Year’s Resolutions and action plans for bucket list items. Last year when I started this blog, I created a number of "Pages" on the right hand side of the screen regarding bucket lists and the approach I recommend. So, whether you are new to my website or just need a refresher, please review the pages on the right.  (So what if you haven’t made (or kept) a New Year’s Resolution in years … this may be your year!)  Personally, I hopped on board right away again this year and got started on my list. Although it is only January 5th, the tickets to one of the three baseball games/stadiums my family and I plan to attend this year have already arrived.  (Before the end of the year we will be a third of the way to reaching our family goal of attending games at all of the major league baseball stadiums ... we are excited!) We are also hoping to check out a show on Broadway this year; and so far I have managed to drag myself onto the treadmill each  morning of 2013.

So whether you plan to take this new year by treadmill, speed boat or roller coaster, please join me as I hop aboard and give the new year a ride .... are you with me? Let me hear a "Woo Hoo!!"

Let There Be Peace

I am up early today … partly because I thoroughly enjoy a cup of coffee when the house is still quiet, but also because I need to regroup and get things done after a long, busy week, as I get ready to greet another jam-packed day.  Yes, it is December, and the Christmas season is upon us.  Life as a working mother can be very hectic to begin with, and as women we often strive for perfection.  But for some reason, most of us tend to put even higher expectations on ourselves this time of year  -- expectations that are often not even obtainable.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

By the day after Thanksgiving, we begin spending money and time shopping for the perfect gifts to make our family members, close friends and even clients happy.  We suddenly think we are Martha Stewart and attempt to find time to decorate our houses with lights and garland and trees.  We aspire to be Betty Crocker to make cut out cookies and gingerbread men and a variety of Christmassy treats, and our social calendars fill up with holiday events despite our prior engagements.  In a frenzy of busyness, we attempt to make the season perfect -- but why?  

Life is not a race nor a competition.  It is not a Hallmark Movie or a Disney Fairytale.  Despite our best efforts, we will disappoint people (usually those we love most), we will make mistakes, we will offend  people, and some may disapprove of our decisions and our actions.  We can not do it all … we can not be two places at once … we can not do more than time will allow… and we can’t control our circumstances or other people.  We need to let our unachievable expectations slide ... we need to simply try our best, keep realistic goals and remember that life is sometimes beyond our control.  

It is important to remember the true meaning of Christmas.  Imagine how Joseph must have felt that first Christmas Eve, trying to provide for his family while circumstances were beyond his control.  Imagine the high expectations on Mary, being the mother to the son of God.  But yet in the simple shelter of a stable on Christmas Eve, they had peace and gladness in their hearts …      

I invite you to join me this Christmas season (and all throughout the year) in setting aside our impossible expectations, ill-shaped (or boughten or even unattempted) cutout cookies, lopsided trees and empty pocket books.  Let’s let go of our unfinished tasks, unmet ideals, feelings of guilt and fear of disappointing others.  Let’s remember the true meaning of Christmas and enjoy each moment from this day forward ... 

Please join me today in proclaiming "Let there be Peace on earth -- and let it begin with me!"

Traditions

As my children sleep soundly in their bedrooms and my husband begins his morning farm routine, I serenely enjoy a cup of hot coffee in the quiet of my livingroom.  Today, as always on the first Sunday in December, Shawn and I and the kids will soon be enjoying our annual “Christmas Tree Family Day” as we like to call it.  Since the kids were very small, we have enjoyed the tradition of putting up the tree and decorating it with lights as well as special, memorable ornaments that we each hold dear … and of course, taking our annual, family photograph in front of the tree will make the moment complete.  Later in the evening, we will drive around to other towns taking in the sights of a variety of Christmas lights, stopping to eat pizza at Pizza Hut and enjoying the rest of the evening as night unfolds…  

But for now … still in my jammies, I take a sip of my coffee and try to conjure up enough ambition to take a shower and head downstairs to gather up the Christmas decorations before the rest of the family joins me.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an ardent traditionalist – always planning family activities for the sake of tradition.  Traditions can be a joyous thing – making lasting family memories and providing something to hang on to as the years fly by too quickly.  Traditions can be found in such things as special routines and rituals, heirloom decorations and favorite recipes shared throughout the years.  

But as with anything in life, time brings us on a journey that eventually requires even traditions to evolve with the passing of time.  Children grow and people and circumstances change due to a variety of reasons including marriages, divorces, relocations, births and, unfortunately, even deaths.  As people come in and out of our lives, the traditions we thought we would hold tight to forever may need to be adjusted, set aside for a while, or even replaced by new ones.  As this happens, we need to remember to cherish each moment for what it is and count our blessings for everything, including our family members – those still joyfully partaking in traditions with us each day as well as those who are with us in spirit – still alive in our memories of traditions from yester-year.  

Amid boxes, I unwrap ornament after ornament and let the memories flow. I smile to myself as I recall our past Christmas Tree Family Days and get ready to embark on another year of tradition today.  Yes, each year is engraved with lasting memories and gently marked by changing traditions with the passing of time.  As we move on with our lives, we cling to what we can from our traditions … bringing with us decorations from home as we move miles away, putting a special star on top of the tree from many years ago, and telling stories to our children as they grow old enough to understand, while the aromas and flavors of our favorite recipes fill the holidays.  Although “Christmas Tree Family Day” may someday need to be moved to a different day (or even month) in later years to come, the ideals, the memories, and the sense of family will remain … and maybe, in time, we’ll be able to enjoy Adam’s favorite peanut clusters at Christmas again with a smile…       

I Am Thankful Today ...

Throughout our lives, we have all had a variety of years … successful years that give us much to be thankful for, challenging years that make us dig deep to find our gratitude, and many “normal” years that we tend to take for granted and therefore often forget to count our blessings.  Perhaps you had a year of successful accomplishments, of challenges survived, or maybe mistakes you have learned from.  Perhaps you had a year of refreshing firsts or tender lasts.  Whatever your year may have held, please join me this Thanksgiving in reflecting on the year with gratitude …

  

I am most thankful for my family … those who are with us every day, providing us with many moments to treasure; those we don’t see as often as we should; those who have moved away and we see but once or twice a year; and those who graced our lives for but a short time now visiting us only in our memories and in our hearts.  Perhaps you have family you long to forgive … maybe now is the time to make that happen. 

      

I am thankful for friends and coworkers … those we see every day, those we vow to see more often, those who have retired or moved away, and even those we may only visit via email, text or facebook.   

I am thankful for goals accomplished … we can all be proud of our successes; but I am also thankful for the goals that we still struggle to attain … thankful to always have something more to strive for each day. 

I am thankful for the simple things … the beauty of nature that surrounds us … the sunrise and sunset, the colors of leaves in the fall,  the smell of cut grass in the summer, and a quiet snowfall on a winter day.  I am thankful for a cup of coffee on the porch and moments spent with family.  I am even thankful for piles of dishes and laundry … means we’re leading busy lives; thankful for the extra pounds on my hips … means I have enough to eat; and thankful for piles of photos that need to be organized … means I had a year of great memories.  

And I am simply thankful for TODAY and all that this moment holds!  Yes, I am happy today!

The Treasures of My Personal Legend

“Wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.”  (Paulo Coehlo, The Alchemist). 

As I step through the front door from my afternoon walk, my cheeks still raw from the crisp, wet air, I am greeted by the sounds of my children playfully arguing in the kitchen.   It has been a dreary, rainy day that would probably have been better suited for curling up in a chair with a good book (such as The Alchemist) and a cup of hot tea.  But thankfully, the rain subsided long enough to allow me to take a walk to the park and back.  I had been longing to go for a walk all day … for when I walk, my thoughts tend to become clearer, allowing me to feel centered and see the poetry in the moment and in the world around me.  I tend to notice little things such as a lone leaf still clinging to the branches of a barren tree up ahead.  A droplet of water falling into a puddle at my feet may draw my attention to the reflection of a flag flying nearby.  On sunnier days, I may eagerly follow a butterfly playfully leading me on my path.  While walking, I am often reminded of how lucky I am to be following my personal legend…

What is one’s personal legend?  As stated in The Alchemist, “It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish.  Everyone, when they are young, knows what their personal legend is.  At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible.  They are not afraid to dream and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives.”  

But then reality and "life" happens and we tend to let our dreams fall by the wayside as we give in to external demands on our time and energies as well as other people's standards and expectations of success.  We tend to allow others to dictate what is important and allow them to convince us that our dreams are unattainable.  But remember ... those who truly love us will be there to support us and encourage us to strive harder to reach our goals.  They will not stand in our way as we follow our personal legend.  

Often fear sets in!  Fear of failure, of course,  for as grownups, we become aware of the risks and obstacles, and no one wants to make mistakes.  But we also find a  fear of success… What if we reach our goals and it wasn't what we had expected?  What if we are disappointed? What if we are truly successful?  What then?   How do we continue on once our goals have been reached?  We must find the courage to carry on despite our fears …    

Following one’s personal legend does not need to revolve around a major quest.  Following one’s personal legend simply means doing what makes you happy, fulfilling the things you long for in your heart.  Perhaps it is simply a mother finding joy in spending time with her kids, a farmer finding pride in watching his corn grow, or a writer finding just the right words to share in a poem or a blog.  While following a personal legend, we often feel one with the world, centered within ourselves and ready to give to the world around us.  

Now this evening, as I am nearly finished typing my blog, I stop for a moment to answer my daughter’s plea for my attention.  She is wondering if we can have a family movie night after supper.  I think it sounds like a good idea.  I call downstairs to Christian to see  if he has plans for the evening while Karissa begins to search for a good movie on Netflix.  Yes, I am happy to be following my personal legend, and I have truly learned that the treasure is indeed in the journey, the moments we share with the people we love; and my greatest treasures are right here at home!