2020 Resolutions

One week ago today, we ushered in a new month, a new year and a new decade.  On January 1^st the majority of people pledged to start the year strong with new year's resolutions and big goals for 2020 and the coming decade. Did you start your list?  Are you still struggling to find focus and looking for direction?  Do you have the exact same list as last year?  Did you already get overwhelmed, lose motivation and let your resolutions fizzle out before they really even got starteed?   

I created this blog almost a decade ago as part of one of my new year’s resolutions.  My original focus was on goal setting and achieving bucket list adventures.  Today I decided to revisit some similar concepts in making new year’s resolutions that are obtainable.  Read on and join me in making 2020 the best year yet! 

Step #1.  START NOW ... TODAY!  As they say, "don't put off until tomorrow, the things you can do today!"  NO EXCUSES!  Even if you are reading this blog in March, July or even November …. You don’t have to wait for January 1 – today is your day to make a change!  

Step #2.  Take time to think and reflect about your priorities and your values, the types of things that are important to you, the things that make you happy, and all the ways you want to continue to grow and evolve in the coming years.  Envision your best self and your best life.  What words would you use to describe that person?  Make a list of ten or more words/values/priorities.  This is the time to think big … aim for the stars … envision all that you want to be, to do, achieve and become.  Perhaps you wrote down words such as family, faith, health, peace, gratitude, courage, education, career, etc. … you name it.  The list is yours – make it your own.  Now try to narrow down these words, combine and categorize them into a smaller list (3-4 words if possible).  Consider these your core values.  You can sort your resolutions and goals into these areas.  “Health” is a common value and area of focus.  Don't forget that this category can include the health of your mind and your spirit as well as your physical body.  Perhaps Family is a priority for you … or maybe your spouse or friendships … perhaps combine them and focus on “Connections".  You decide on the categories – again, make it your own!   

Step #3.  Be S.M.A.R.T.  Now is the time to make a list of your goals.  You can make a large, exhaustive list or just pick a few to start.  Look at the list you compiled last year.  Did you achieve these goals?  Make progress?  Are these things still important to you?  As you create your list of 2020 goals, remember that they should be “S.M.A.R.T” -- in other words:

·         Specific

·         Measurable

·         Attainable

·         Relevant

·         Time Bound

  

Do you want to lose ten pounds or get in shape?  Learn a new skill, get a certification, license or degree?  How will you know if you reached your goal?  Be specific.  When and how will (and can) you accomplish it?  Remember - you don’t have to change the world – just find ways to make small changes so that today is better than yesterday and so you have a vision for an even brighter tomorrow. 

Step #4.  Plan of Attack.  Look at your list of S.M.A.R.T goals and now make a list of action plans or things you can do this month, this week, or even TODAY!  Think of action plans that can span across categories ... in other words, if you want to spend quality time with your family and you want to see the ocean .... add "take a family cruise" to your list of goals for this year.  Then decide what you can do today.  Make action items of researching places to go, discussing schedules, booking your flights.  If you want to exercise for your health and you want to spend more time with a friend, make it a task to go for a walk with that friend.  Break larger items into smaller tasks.  If you dream of being a writer, make it a task to write a journal or a poem, take a writing class or start a blog. 

Step #5.  Take Action.  Now go ahead and do a task or two on your list today ... then continue on until you have tackled a few more items for the week, the month, the year and so on ... continue to add more items to your list as you cross tasks off.   Of course, if you think of a new goal you want to achieve or area you need to improve ... go ahead and add it, do it ... and then write it down and check it off!  You can add new goals in February, July or September if you want.  No matter what, just get started TODAY – your best self awaits!

My Autumn Reverie (A Serenity Prayer)

            

I went for a walk this morning.  The October sun had only recently risen but a few cups of coffee had already motivated me to get out and greet the day.  There is nothing like an autumn morning to inspire a sense of reverie as the quiet sounds of nature provide a haven of protection from all the cares of the world.  On my path, the sun reverently glistened through the stately trees as their leaves of crimson and gold rained down like blessings from above.  Suddenly, a far off woodpecker stifled the serene sounds of silence, and I noticed a blue jay flutter by me -- probably contemplating whether or not he should pursue someplace warmer -- but perhaps he wasn't quite ready to make a change.  I understand his plight.  

I attended a growth mindset training about a month ago where they provided us with a template to compile our goals and action plans for the future, and they instructed us to write down our life sentence.  I have been pondering the concept of my life sentence ever since and have finally settled on the Serenity Prayer.  “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  It is a common saying and can be found many places, but I first heard these words many years ago when my father went into treatment for alcoholism.  I was quite young then and I didn’t fully understand their meaning or realize how much truth and sapience the words actually contained.  As my age continues to reluctantly yet promptly climb toward the half century mark, I have witnessed my share of changes …. that of love and loss, growth and setbacks; changes I pursued and other life events that occurred without my permission.   Throughout the years, I have celebrated and/or grieved each change that I encountered and I patiently learned to navigate my way through each one.  In recent years, after more than 20 years of being a parent, transitions and adjustments have become household words as the winds of change wisped through our lives leaving me still writhing just a bit in their wake.  Serenity and acceptance, courage and change, with wisdom.  These words have been milling around in my mind a lot these days.  Sometimes I embrace them clearly while sipping coffee at sunrise or while strolling down a walking trail on a glorious sunny day like today;  yet other times they try to command my attention in the dead of night contorting and consuming my thoughts with strings of “what if’s” and “what now’s”, “why’s and  “why nots”  usually regarding things I can’t possibly control or that are even mine to do so.

The words are much more friendly in the early morning hours and it is then that I prefer to listen to their advice.  Wisdom reminds me that life is a continual process of change, a series of big and little moments from birth to death for every living being; and it’s okay that we are all changing and even growing older.  As the sun begins to set on the first half of my life, Serenity graciously reveals all that I have to be grateful for and she brings me comfort, peace and pride in my memories of a job well done.  At the same time, she reminds me that the sun is also beginning to rise on a bright future filled with new and exciting unknowns, for both our children as they spread their wings into adulthood and also for my husband and I as the fresh autumn air fills our lungs for this next season of our lives.  Sometimes I still find myself clinging to the fresh and easy days of summers past, but Wisdom then reminds me that if we cling too hard to the memories of summer, we can miss the colorful beauty of an autumn landscape as it transforms right before our eyes.   

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year and some of my favorite memories occurred in the fall.  When the kids were young, one of our favorite past times was playing in the leaves in the back yard, raking them into piles and then leaping and diving into the mounds of bliss.  I can still hear their childish giggles as they would play in the leaves.  “Soft or crunchy?” one would ask the other while holding a fallen leaf in their hand.  “Crunchy” the other might respond, awaiting the verdict as the leaf was squeezed into pieces left with careless abandon for yet another.   

“Soft or crunchy?” I ask myself as I reach down for a nearby leaf.  With memories rushing in, I continue to dream of the playful years gone by – but I am also drawn to dreams of the future – and even the potential for grandkids to someday share in these autumn traditions.  (Not too soon though – not quite yet 😉.)  I wonder what the coming season and years will hold.  As I walk along, I come upon a random pile of leaves, blown or raked together and then abandoned, and I can’t help but give in to the urge.  I look around for but a moment and then allow myself to fall back, arms out wide, into the colorful heap.  My body hits the ground a little harder than it used to, but I am at peace … “Que sera, sera … what will be, will be” …

I am not sure that was such a good idea as I struggle to get myself back up …      

Courage.  I often hear from Courage too.  She likes to nudge me from my day dreams, inspire me to pursue the things she knows I am worthy of, and advise me on what to do next.  She can be pretty convincing when I listen; but Fear, of course, tends to argue.  Luckily, Fear’s credibility continues to weaken as each year goes by.   

What is Courage saying to YOU?  Let’s take a moment to listen.  What is YOUR life sentence?  What do YOU need to accept in order to move on?  It doesn’t matter what life stage you are in.  Perhaps you are in your 20’s or even 30’s with limitless possibilities at your fingertips but you’re not quite sure which path to choose.  Go ahead and take that first step – there is no wrong choice, it’s just yours to decide.  Perhaps you have found yourself at midlife.  Has a divorce or other trying event rendered you exhausted, perhaps at rock bottom, looking for a fresh start?  Have your children left you with an empty nest, extra time on your hands, and a confused sense of purpose?  Have you found your passion?  Or is it still out there?  Perhaps you have entered retirement – no better time than the present to go after those dreams.  Perhaps you feel your age is closing in on your final years on this earth.  You are not done yet.  Remember, there are still those who want to hear your story, learn from your wisdom and share in your love. 

Our time is now! 

May God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  

Savor the Good - Let Go of the Rest

Nearly 23 years have gone by since I first became a mother.  I remember that day well … and yet I don’t.  I remember bits and pieces – the fact that I was rushed by ambulance to Mayo Clinic because I had pre-eclampsia and the fact that my husband drove an hour through dense fog with my parents, probably under a great deal of stress with concern for both me and our unborn child.  I remember that our first child, a son, was born at 10:03 pm the following night.  I vividly remember his innocent blue eyes, filled with adoring bewilderment, gazing up at me from the swaddled comfort of his blanket; and I remember my own awe, wondering who he was and who he would someday become.  I also recall a twinge of anxiety knowing that being a mother would be the most important (and rewarding) job I would ever have in this life.  But I don’t remember the pain – drugs may have helped – but one way or another the joys of motherhood overshadowed and lured me back in a few years later with the birth of our second and youngest child, a daughter, who would steal our hearts forever and make our family complete. 

I vowed from very early on that I would give motherhood my all, I would remember every moment, and my goal was to make memories for my children that would last for a lifetime.  I’ve spent the majority of the years devoting my time, aiming to be present, soaking up every moment and savoring every detail.  Throughout the years, we made a plethora of memories – living everyday moments, sharing family meals, playing games and going on Sunday drives.  We made holiday traditions and enjoyed annual family vacations.  My husband and I attended nearly every event, game and concert and witnessed the milestones.  I’ve always been well aware that children are only young for a fleeting moment and the years are gone in the blink of an eye.  The joys of motherhood are forever engrained in my heart – the sweet scent of infancy, the pitter patter of toddler feet, the urgency of little arms wrapped around my neck, the sensation of their soft heads against my cheek while I read them a story, and the warmth of their bodies nestled in my arms as they fell asleep at night.  Like all mothers, some of the day-to-day details seem to have escaped my memory, but they are still there – patiently waiting at the tip of my senses, continually bringing me back from time to time.  Stories shared in laughter or particular sights, smells or sounds tenderly expose glimpses of years gone by.  The smell of fresh air breathes life into images of their middle years as they ran inside after playing with neighborhood friends.  The slam of a car door renders my relief from their teenage years of knowing they were safe under my roof once again.  A walk around our house, yard or neighborhood tends to send my memories dancing like childlike spirits wanting to come out to play.    

After all these years, I’ve forgotten some of the pieces that were not so perfectly fit to remember.  I’ve given in to the fact that our house was far less than immaculate, my cooking skills were lacking (a lot), and my voice may have raised in anger more times than I care to admit.  Despite my best efforts, there were still some moments of exhaustion, of busyness and haste, a few failures, tears and mistakes.  But I don’t recall what could have made me raise my voice, and I’ve no idea what “to-do” could have been worth keeping busy.  Somehow, I’ve mostly forgotten the less than pleasant moments, and I hope my kids have done the same.  Although in jest, they lovingly won’t let me forget the time I ran over my son’s favorite dump truck in the driveway or the time I forgot to send my daughter’s snow pants to school one wintery day.  But in my mind, this just shows we have connection, share a history and can find humor in the memories we share.  In the end, I can only hope that their childhood memories are outnumbered with moments of happiness and laughter and with feelings of contentment, encouragement and love.

I believe it was Maya Angelou who once said "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did ... but people will never forget how you made them feel."  So my advice to young mothers is this - if you’re doing your best, then mamas, don’t worry.  Savor the good and let go of the rest.  Be present with your children but go easy on yourself.  Give them your time, your attention and your love.  Provide them with comfort and security.  Encourage them and assure they never forget they are enough, they are worth it, and they are loved.  

We recently moved our son to a new city to start his full-time career and our daughter headed off to college again this fall.  Together, we made additional family memories while planning and organizing, packing and moving.  As each of our children begin to spread their wings, I fear that I have forgotten something … did they pack all they need, will they have enough to eat?  More importantly, did I teach them enough through the years - did I give the right advice?  Will they call me if they need me?  Did I provide them with deep rooted memories and love - enough to carry along into their futures and last throughout their lifetimes?  I hope they mostly remember the good, like I do.  I hope I made them feel special, safe and secure ... and I hope they never forget how much they were (and always will be) loved.