My Autumn Reverie (A Serenity Prayer)

            

I went for a walk this morning.  The October sun had only recently risen but a few cups of coffee had already motivated me to get out and greet the day.  There is nothing like an autumn morning to inspire a sense of reverie as the quiet sounds of nature provide a haven of protection from all the cares of the world.  On my path, the sun reverently glistened through the stately trees as their leaves of crimson and gold rained down like blessings from above.  Suddenly, a far off woodpecker stifled the serene sounds of silence, and I noticed a blue jay flutter by me -- probably contemplating whether or not he should pursue someplace warmer -- but perhaps he wasn't quite ready to make a change.  I understand his plight.  

I attended a growth mindset training about a month ago where they provided us with a template to compile our goals and action plans for the future, and they instructed us to write down our life sentence.  I have been pondering the concept of my life sentence ever since and have finally settled on the Serenity Prayer.  “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  It is a common saying and can be found many places, but I first heard these words many years ago when my father went into treatment for alcoholism.  I was quite young then and I didn’t fully understand their meaning or realize how much truth and sapience the words actually contained.  As my age continues to reluctantly yet promptly climb toward the half century mark, I have witnessed my share of changes …. that of love and loss, growth and setbacks; changes I pursued and other life events that occurred without my permission.   Throughout the years, I have celebrated and/or grieved each change that I encountered and I patiently learned to navigate my way through each one.  In recent years, after more than 20 years of being a parent, transitions and adjustments have become household words as the winds of change wisped through our lives leaving me still writhing just a bit in their wake.  Serenity and acceptance, courage and change, with wisdom.  These words have been milling around in my mind a lot these days.  Sometimes I embrace them clearly while sipping coffee at sunrise or while strolling down a walking trail on a glorious sunny day like today;  yet other times they try to command my attention in the dead of night contorting and consuming my thoughts with strings of “what if’s” and “what now’s”, “why’s and  “why nots”  usually regarding things I can’t possibly control or that are even mine to do so.

The words are much more friendly in the early morning hours and it is then that I prefer to listen to their advice.  Wisdom reminds me that life is a continual process of change, a series of big and little moments from birth to death for every living being; and it’s okay that we are all changing and even growing older.  As the sun begins to set on the first half of my life, Serenity graciously reveals all that I have to be grateful for and she brings me comfort, peace and pride in my memories of a job well done.  At the same time, she reminds me that the sun is also beginning to rise on a bright future filled with new and exciting unknowns, for both our children as they spread their wings into adulthood and also for my husband and I as the fresh autumn air fills our lungs for this next season of our lives.  Sometimes I still find myself clinging to the fresh and easy days of summers past, but Wisdom then reminds me that if we cling too hard to the memories of summer, we can miss the colorful beauty of an autumn landscape as it transforms right before our eyes.   

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year and some of my favorite memories occurred in the fall.  When the kids were young, one of our favorite past times was playing in the leaves in the back yard, raking them into piles and then leaping and diving into the mounds of bliss.  I can still hear their childish giggles as they would play in the leaves.  “Soft or crunchy?” one would ask the other while holding a fallen leaf in their hand.  “Crunchy” the other might respond, awaiting the verdict as the leaf was squeezed into pieces left with careless abandon for yet another.   

“Soft or crunchy?” I ask myself as I reach down for a nearby leaf.  With memories rushing in, I continue to dream of the playful years gone by – but I am also drawn to dreams of the future – and even the potential for grandkids to someday share in these autumn traditions.  (Not too soon though – not quite yet 😉.)  I wonder what the coming season and years will hold.  As I walk along, I come upon a random pile of leaves, blown or raked together and then abandoned, and I can’t help but give in to the urge.  I look around for but a moment and then allow myself to fall back, arms out wide, into the colorful heap.  My body hits the ground a little harder than it used to, but I am at peace … “Que sera, sera … what will be, will be” …

I am not sure that was such a good idea as I struggle to get myself back up …      

Courage.  I often hear from Courage too.  She likes to nudge me from my day dreams, inspire me to pursue the things she knows I am worthy of, and advise me on what to do next.  She can be pretty convincing when I listen; but Fear, of course, tends to argue.  Luckily, Fear’s credibility continues to weaken as each year goes by.   

What is Courage saying to YOU?  Let’s take a moment to listen.  What is YOUR life sentence?  What do YOU need to accept in order to move on?  It doesn’t matter what life stage you are in.  Perhaps you are in your 20’s or even 30’s with limitless possibilities at your fingertips but you’re not quite sure which path to choose.  Go ahead and take that first step – there is no wrong choice, it’s just yours to decide.  Perhaps you have found yourself at midlife.  Has a divorce or other trying event rendered you exhausted, perhaps at rock bottom, looking for a fresh start?  Have your children left you with an empty nest, extra time on your hands, and a confused sense of purpose?  Have you found your passion?  Or is it still out there?  Perhaps you have entered retirement – no better time than the present to go after those dreams.  Perhaps you feel your age is closing in on your final years on this earth.  You are not done yet.  Remember, there are still those who want to hear your story, learn from your wisdom and share in your love. 

Our time is now! 

May God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.