The Sky's The Limit

 *The following was written last year but I am finally posting ... stay tuned for more as I recently went skydiving just last weekend ... 

 

 I turned 50 years old last September.  At first I tried to deny it - even hide it - but believe it or not, like it or not - it happened anyway!  My husband and I were still adjusting to being empty nesters and just the thought of growing older was out of my comfort zone; but as I leaned into the inevitable, it unleashed a beast inside of me that longed for more!  Perhaps it was a midlife crisis of sorts, but I was on a mission to bust through my comfort zone, face my fears, complete a variety of bucket list adventures, and most importantly prove to myself all that I was capable of!   

It actually started a couple years before when I turned 48 – the age my father was when he passed away over 20 years ago.  Part of me had almost assumed I wouldn’t live beyond my 40’s - but I did - and I was still counting! You see, statistics showed that people in my family were either destined to die by the age of 50 from a genetic form of cancer or we were likely to live to nearly 100 years old (or more).  Since then, I learned that I did not have the cancer gene (and thankfully neither did our children), so there was a good chance I still had half my life yet to live.    

At that same time, our youngest daughter had recently left for college, and for a moment, I was certain that my purpose for living was gone.  I grieved for a time - but not for long; and once my tears had dried, I began gathering the pieces of myself that had been tucked away behind motherly duties and sprinkled into words of advice that I shared with our kids.  I worked hard on my mindset and, with a fresh focus and support from my husband, I made it a mission to try new things, meet new people and do anything that scared me in any way.  I had always had a growth mindset and enjoyed checking goals off my bucket list - but this time was different - this time it got serious!  

For years, fear had held me back and kept me safe inside my comfort zone - but midlife and losing loved ones had made me well aware of the fragility of life and had taught me the importance of living life to the fullest.    

So I tried lots of new things.  I started saying “yes” when my fears begged me to say “no.” I started meeting new people and trying new hobbies.  That first summer, I took up biking with an old friend, and my husband and I decided we should learn to golf.  The month after I turned 50, my friend and I completed our first 5K.  We actually signed up in the 40-49 year old age bracket (I wasn’t quite ready to admit to being 50).  Our race-time was not impressive, but we humorously felt we earned at least some bragging rights by passing a total of nine people and two dogs.  I also learned to play pool (billiards), and be okay with failing among experts; and I found that their skill and encouragement helped me keep trying. I joined a pool league with my husband where circumstances were such that I sometimes had to show up alone before my husband could get there.  Walking into the pool hall alone, I felt like all eyes were on me and my heart palpitated in my chest as I chalked my cue and got ready to start the first game.  I feared that people would judge me if I missed an easy shot.  But no one seemed to give it much thought and it got easier with time.     

As an introvert, just hanging out with new friends was scary and the pandemic had tried to shut down my social skills even further.  But little did I know that by stretching my comfort zone, I would open up a whole new world, gain confidence in myself, enjoy more quality time with my husband and acquire new friends I would grow closer to with time.   

When originally making my bucket list, I had the misconceived notion that it should be about big, grandiose events - speaking in front of a large crowd, taking a solo trip across the country, or skydiving from an airplane 14,000 feet in the air.   

Skydiving was actually on the list - I was planning it around our son’s wedding the next fall.  I joked that we had to jump early enough in the summer so that if I got bruised or broke a bone I would still have time to heal before the wedding.  I had been talking about it with a new friend for months, and I almost had it scheduled; but when it came time to book it, he canceled.  Perhaps it was fear or perhaps it was the golf tournament he’d be missing out on … but it didn’t matter.   

Reflecting, I realized I didn’t need to jump out of a plane.  My comfort zone was already being stretched in other, seemingly smaller ways; but yet in each of these moments, the first leap was just as scary and the thrill and rush of anxiety were often just as intense.  Unfortunately, there was no parachute or tandem to protect me, though my husband was usually there as a great support.     

I did actually end up speaking in public.  The opportunity presented itself out of nowhere.  It was the night of our spring scholarship event where we were planning to give out our annual engineering scholarship in memory of my brother who had passed away from cancer.  The scheduled speaker could not arrive to give their speech, others in my family had COVID; and I was the only person available to attend the event, meet the recipient and present the award - on stage in an auditorium filled with over 300 high school students and their families.  But I embraced the moment - walked in alone, cleared my throat, presented my speech - and survived.      

The next summer, as a much wiser 50 ½ year old, I signed up for another 5K (in the correct age bracket this time), bought a new set of golf clubs, and continued practicing for another season of pool league.  I added new goals to my bucket list such as playing in the State Pool Tournament someday.  It was also still on the list to jump out of a plane - even if I had to do it alone. But by then I knew that it wasn’t really about the big things. I had learned that, while the little things could be just as scary, their wins were often more impactful; but in the end, the landing should be a little softer, I likely wouldn’t break any bones, and chances were good that I would still be alive to see my son get married in the fall.  Maybe I’d convince my future grand kids to skydive with me someday.  You never know.  But no matter what, my plan was to continue crushing my comfort zone for ideally another 50 years …

 

Goodbye Grandma

 

*Written for my Grandma Einck's funeral in January 2023

 

Ninety-six years have come and gone

Since my "Grandma Einck" entered the world.

The daughter of Walter and Mabel Koch,

She grew to be a beautiful, young girl.

 

As a girl in her teens she soon fell in love

And stole my grandfather's heart.

Though for about three years, during World War II

They were many miles apart.

 

She said she wrote letters to him every day

That were signed with a spritz of cologne.

Her words and her fragrance, I tend to believe

Helped her soldier to feel less alone.

 

As war turned to peace and my grandpa came home,

My grandma was swept off her feet.

Within a few weeks, they were husband and wife

And each of their hearts were complete.

 

Soon this beautiful young girl became a fine mom

With four daughters to shower with love.

She led by example as a hardworking wife

And a woman they’re very proud of!

 

As her granddaughter (myself now a wife and a mother),

That's where my story begins.

As my childhood memories, found deep in my heart

Take me back through the years once again…

 

Holidays and birthdays and fresh pumpkin pie,

Goulash - enough for a crowd,

Walks in the field with a long, crooked stick

Past a garden that's been freshly plowed.

 

In the dark snuggled up to the warmth of her robe

As her hands scratched my back in the night,

The smell of fresh popcorn still hung in the air

In a room filled with soft TV light.

 

Now the years have raced by, but the memories go on

Just this fall, I couldn’t help but smile

As I witnessed my grandma walk with purpose and pride

With my son down his wedding aisle.

 

Today, a few more short months are all that have passed,

And my Grandma has told us “Goodbye”

Peacefully leaving a full life, well led …

And my grandpa must be thrilled she’s arrived.

 

Links to My Additional Blog Posts

 

Hello,

It has been awhile since I have written any blog posts on this site.  (I do hope to get back to that in the future.)  But in the meantime, I thought I would share the following links to four blog posts I have written for our Northeast Iowa Community College Business and Community Solutions Blog ... 

 

How to Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

 

How to Start a New Hobby

 

How to Make the Most Out of Your Mornings 

 

How to Change Your Mindset

"Goodbye Grandpa"

There’s a time for every purpose under heaven

The day we are born, the years we live, and our time to die.

But no matter the length or the years in a life,

It's still hard to say "Goodbye".

Grandpa was a humble and soft-hearted man,

Hard working, honorable and sweet.

He set an example that I won't soon forget

Of the person that I aim to be.

He served his country, he farmed his land,

He raised his family with pride.

He lived a full life of hard work and love

With Grandma, devotedly at his side.

The years, though many, they went by fast

Until he neared the end

When his knees grew weak and his body grew frail

And on others he had to depend.

At last he is free, to run and to dance

With loved ones he’s not seen in years,

While those of us, still here on earth

Are left to dry our tears.

Surrounded by family, grandson's Adam and Rik,

He wants us to know, he is fine.

He will see us each again some day

But only when it's time.

"Goodbye now, Grandpa," we salute you with pride,

Your purpose and work here are done.

Rest now, in peace, you've earned your wings,

Content your legacy lives on ...

Written and read at the funeral of my Grandpa Einck (died on February 28th at the age of 100)

2020 Resolutions

One week ago today, we ushered in a new month, a new year and a new decade.  On January 1^st the majority of people pledged to start the year strong with new year's resolutions and big goals for 2020 and the coming decade. Did you start your list?  Are you still struggling to find focus and looking for direction?  Do you have the exact same list as last year?  Did you already get overwhelmed, lose motivation and let your resolutions fizzle out before they really even got starteed?   

I created this blog almost a decade ago as part of one of my new year’s resolutions.  My original focus was on goal setting and achieving bucket list adventures.  Today I decided to revisit some similar concepts in making new year’s resolutions that are obtainable.  Read on and join me in making 2020 the best year yet! 

Step #1.  START NOW ... TODAY!  As they say, "don't put off until tomorrow, the things you can do today!"  NO EXCUSES!  Even if you are reading this blog in March, July or even November …. You don’t have to wait for January 1 – today is your day to make a change!  

Step #2.  Take time to think and reflect about your priorities and your values, the types of things that are important to you, the things that make you happy, and all the ways you want to continue to grow and evolve in the coming years.  Envision your best self and your best life.  What words would you use to describe that person?  Make a list of ten or more words/values/priorities.  This is the time to think big … aim for the stars … envision all that you want to be, to do, achieve and become.  Perhaps you wrote down words such as family, faith, health, peace, gratitude, courage, education, career, etc. … you name it.  The list is yours – make it your own.  Now try to narrow down these words, combine and categorize them into a smaller list (3-4 words if possible).  Consider these your core values.  You can sort your resolutions and goals into these areas.  “Health” is a common value and area of focus.  Don't forget that this category can include the health of your mind and your spirit as well as your physical body.  Perhaps Family is a priority for you … or maybe your spouse or friendships … perhaps combine them and focus on “Connections".  You decide on the categories – again, make it your own!   

Step #3.  Be S.M.A.R.T.  Now is the time to make a list of your goals.  You can make a large, exhaustive list or just pick a few to start.  Look at the list you compiled last year.  Did you achieve these goals?  Make progress?  Are these things still important to you?  As you create your list of 2020 goals, remember that they should be “S.M.A.R.T” -- in other words:

·         Specific

·         Measurable

·         Attainable

·         Relevant

·         Time Bound

  

Do you want to lose ten pounds or get in shape?  Learn a new skill, get a certification, license or degree?  How will you know if you reached your goal?  Be specific.  When and how will (and can) you accomplish it?  Remember - you don’t have to change the world – just find ways to make small changes so that today is better than yesterday and so you have a vision for an even brighter tomorrow. 

Step #4.  Plan of Attack.  Look at your list of S.M.A.R.T goals and now make a list of action plans or things you can do this month, this week, or even TODAY!  Think of action plans that can span across categories ... in other words, if you want to spend quality time with your family and you want to see the ocean .... add "take a family cruise" to your list of goals for this year.  Then decide what you can do today.  Make action items of researching places to go, discussing schedules, booking your flights.  If you want to exercise for your health and you want to spend more time with a friend, make it a task to go for a walk with that friend.  Break larger items into smaller tasks.  If you dream of being a writer, make it a task to write a journal or a poem, take a writing class or start a blog. 

Step #5.  Take Action.  Now go ahead and do a task or two on your list today ... then continue on until you have tackled a few more items for the week, the month, the year and so on ... continue to add more items to your list as you cross tasks off.   Of course, if you think of a new goal you want to achieve or area you need to improve ... go ahead and add it, do it ... and then write it down and check it off!  You can add new goals in February, July or September if you want.  No matter what, just get started TODAY – your best self awaits!

My Autumn Reverie (A Serenity Prayer)

            

I went for a walk this morning.  The October sun had only recently risen but a few cups of coffee had already motivated me to get out and greet the day.  There is nothing like an autumn morning to inspire a sense of reverie as the quiet sounds of nature provide a haven of protection from all the cares of the world.  On my path, the sun reverently glistened through the stately trees as their leaves of crimson and gold rained down like blessings from above.  Suddenly, a far off woodpecker stifled the serene sounds of silence, and I noticed a blue jay flutter by me -- probably contemplating whether or not he should pursue someplace warmer -- but perhaps he wasn't quite ready to make a change.  I understand his plight.  

I attended a growth mindset training about a month ago where they provided us with a template to compile our goals and action plans for the future, and they instructed us to write down our life sentence.  I have been pondering the concept of my life sentence ever since and have finally settled on the Serenity Prayer.  “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  It is a common saying and can be found many places, but I first heard these words many years ago when my father went into treatment for alcoholism.  I was quite young then and I didn’t fully understand their meaning or realize how much truth and sapience the words actually contained.  As my age continues to reluctantly yet promptly climb toward the half century mark, I have witnessed my share of changes …. that of love and loss, growth and setbacks; changes I pursued and other life events that occurred without my permission.   Throughout the years, I have celebrated and/or grieved each change that I encountered and I patiently learned to navigate my way through each one.  In recent years, after more than 20 years of being a parent, transitions and adjustments have become household words as the winds of change wisped through our lives leaving me still writhing just a bit in their wake.  Serenity and acceptance, courage and change, with wisdom.  These words have been milling around in my mind a lot these days.  Sometimes I embrace them clearly while sipping coffee at sunrise or while strolling down a walking trail on a glorious sunny day like today;  yet other times they try to command my attention in the dead of night contorting and consuming my thoughts with strings of “what if’s” and “what now’s”, “why’s and  “why nots”  usually regarding things I can’t possibly control or that are even mine to do so.

The words are much more friendly in the early morning hours and it is then that I prefer to listen to their advice.  Wisdom reminds me that life is a continual process of change, a series of big and little moments from birth to death for every living being; and it’s okay that we are all changing and even growing older.  As the sun begins to set on the first half of my life, Serenity graciously reveals all that I have to be grateful for and she brings me comfort, peace and pride in my memories of a job well done.  At the same time, she reminds me that the sun is also beginning to rise on a bright future filled with new and exciting unknowns, for both our children as they spread their wings into adulthood and also for my husband and I as the fresh autumn air fills our lungs for this next season of our lives.  Sometimes I still find myself clinging to the fresh and easy days of summers past, but Wisdom then reminds me that if we cling too hard to the memories of summer, we can miss the colorful beauty of an autumn landscape as it transforms right before our eyes.   

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year and some of my favorite memories occurred in the fall.  When the kids were young, one of our favorite past times was playing in the leaves in the back yard, raking them into piles and then leaping and diving into the mounds of bliss.  I can still hear their childish giggles as they would play in the leaves.  “Soft or crunchy?” one would ask the other while holding a fallen leaf in their hand.  “Crunchy” the other might respond, awaiting the verdict as the leaf was squeezed into pieces left with careless abandon for yet another.   

“Soft or crunchy?” I ask myself as I reach down for a nearby leaf.  With memories rushing in, I continue to dream of the playful years gone by – but I am also drawn to dreams of the future – and even the potential for grandkids to someday share in these autumn traditions.  (Not too soon though – not quite yet 😉.)  I wonder what the coming season and years will hold.  As I walk along, I come upon a random pile of leaves, blown or raked together and then abandoned, and I can’t help but give in to the urge.  I look around for but a moment and then allow myself to fall back, arms out wide, into the colorful heap.  My body hits the ground a little harder than it used to, but I am at peace … “Que sera, sera … what will be, will be” …

I am not sure that was such a good idea as I struggle to get myself back up …      

Courage.  I often hear from Courage too.  She likes to nudge me from my day dreams, inspire me to pursue the things she knows I am worthy of, and advise me on what to do next.  She can be pretty convincing when I listen; but Fear, of course, tends to argue.  Luckily, Fear’s credibility continues to weaken as each year goes by.   

What is Courage saying to YOU?  Let’s take a moment to listen.  What is YOUR life sentence?  What do YOU need to accept in order to move on?  It doesn’t matter what life stage you are in.  Perhaps you are in your 20’s or even 30’s with limitless possibilities at your fingertips but you’re not quite sure which path to choose.  Go ahead and take that first step – there is no wrong choice, it’s just yours to decide.  Perhaps you have found yourself at midlife.  Has a divorce or other trying event rendered you exhausted, perhaps at rock bottom, looking for a fresh start?  Have your children left you with an empty nest, extra time on your hands, and a confused sense of purpose?  Have you found your passion?  Or is it still out there?  Perhaps you have entered retirement – no better time than the present to go after those dreams.  Perhaps you feel your age is closing in on your final years on this earth.  You are not done yet.  Remember, there are still those who want to hear your story, learn from your wisdom and share in your love. 

Our time is now! 

May God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  

Savor the Good - Let Go of the Rest

Nearly 23 years have gone by since I first became a mother.  I remember that day well … and yet I don’t.  I remember bits and pieces – the fact that I was rushed by ambulance to Mayo Clinic because I had pre-eclampsia and the fact that my husband drove an hour through dense fog with my parents, probably under a great deal of stress with concern for both me and our unborn child.  I remember that our first child, a son, was born at 10:03 pm the following night.  I vividly remember his innocent blue eyes, filled with adoring bewilderment, gazing up at me from the swaddled comfort of his blanket; and I remember my own awe, wondering who he was and who he would someday become.  I also recall a twinge of anxiety knowing that being a mother would be the most important (and rewarding) job I would ever have in this life.  But I don’t remember the pain – drugs may have helped – but one way or another the joys of motherhood overshadowed and lured me back in a few years later with the birth of our second and youngest child, a daughter, who would steal our hearts forever and make our family complete. 

I vowed from very early on that I would give motherhood my all, I would remember every moment, and my goal was to make memories for my children that would last for a lifetime.  I’ve spent the majority of the years devoting my time, aiming to be present, soaking up every moment and savoring every detail.  Throughout the years, we made a plethora of memories – living everyday moments, sharing family meals, playing games and going on Sunday drives.  We made holiday traditions and enjoyed annual family vacations.  My husband and I attended nearly every event, game and concert and witnessed the milestones.  I’ve always been well aware that children are only young for a fleeting moment and the years are gone in the blink of an eye.  The joys of motherhood are forever engrained in my heart – the sweet scent of infancy, the pitter patter of toddler feet, the urgency of little arms wrapped around my neck, the sensation of their soft heads against my cheek while I read them a story, and the warmth of their bodies nestled in my arms as they fell asleep at night.  Like all mothers, some of the day-to-day details seem to have escaped my memory, but they are still there – patiently waiting at the tip of my senses, continually bringing me back from time to time.  Stories shared in laughter or particular sights, smells or sounds tenderly expose glimpses of years gone by.  The smell of fresh air breathes life into images of their middle years as they ran inside after playing with neighborhood friends.  The slam of a car door renders my relief from their teenage years of knowing they were safe under my roof once again.  A walk around our house, yard or neighborhood tends to send my memories dancing like childlike spirits wanting to come out to play.    

After all these years, I’ve forgotten some of the pieces that were not so perfectly fit to remember.  I’ve given in to the fact that our house was far less than immaculate, my cooking skills were lacking (a lot), and my voice may have raised in anger more times than I care to admit.  Despite my best efforts, there were still some moments of exhaustion, of busyness and haste, a few failures, tears and mistakes.  But I don’t recall what could have made me raise my voice, and I’ve no idea what “to-do” could have been worth keeping busy.  Somehow, I’ve mostly forgotten the less than pleasant moments, and I hope my kids have done the same.  Although in jest, they lovingly won’t let me forget the time I ran over my son’s favorite dump truck in the driveway or the time I forgot to send my daughter’s snow pants to school one wintery day.  But in my mind, this just shows we have connection, share a history and can find humor in the memories we share.  In the end, I can only hope that their childhood memories are outnumbered with moments of happiness and laughter and with feelings of contentment, encouragement and love.

I believe it was Maya Angelou who once said "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did ... but people will never forget how you made them feel."  So my advice to young mothers is this - if you’re doing your best, then mamas, don’t worry.  Savor the good and let go of the rest.  Be present with your children but go easy on yourself.  Give them your time, your attention and your love.  Provide them with comfort and security.  Encourage them and assure they never forget they are enough, they are worth it, and they are loved.  

We recently moved our son to a new city to start his full-time career and our daughter headed off to college again this fall.  Together, we made additional family memories while planning and organizing, packing and moving.  As each of our children begin to spread their wings, I fear that I have forgotten something … did they pack all they need, will they have enough to eat?  More importantly, did I teach them enough through the years - did I give the right advice?  Will they call me if they need me?  Did I provide them with deep rooted memories and love - enough to carry along into their futures and last throughout their lifetimes?  I hope they mostly remember the good, like I do.  I hope I made them feel special, safe and secure ... and I hope they never forget how much they were (and always will be) loved.