Life is stressful, inevitably so ... but we don’t have to give it
control. Some stress can be good for us
– offering us a little extra energy, making life a little more exciting,
providing an adrenaline rush to get things done and pushing us to get through
difficult times. But excessive or chronic
stress can be very unhealthy and can take a toll on our physical, mental and
emotional health.
I am not an expert (professionally anyway), but in my 40+ years, I have
experienced plenty of stress both personally and second hand, and have learned
a few things about what works for me. For
what it is worth, allow me to share my thoughts and advice ...
Stress comes from a variety of factors – both internal and external. Internal factors, such as our own high
expectations of ourselves and worry/anxiety about the future (the unknown) or
what people may think can be very stressful.
Usually, our internal fears are much worse than reality, and with so
many external stressors in our lives these days, it is important to remain in
control of our minds and ultimately our own health. It is imperative to allow ourselves some
quiet time (preferably every day) to manage our thoughts in meditation or
prayer; and it is crucial to exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet. If we make a routine of these healthy habits
then stress’s lure toward unhealthy choices will be a little easier to resist. Now grab a relaxing beverage, take a deep
breath and read on …
Following are a few external factors (among many) that tend to cause a
great deal of stress.
Stress at Work. Whether you
work in an office, in a factory, on a farm or at home - work can be
stressful. Whether you work full time or
part time, regardless of your profession or status – work can be
stressful. If you are in search of a job
or stuck in an old one – work can be stressful.
Starting a new career or retiring can be stressful as well. Even a job we love can be enervating when we
have multiple demands on our time, more things to get done than time will allow,
and a multitude of people to please. Each
item we cross off our to-do list leaves another one to add, each task or
priority achieved leaves someone waiting for something more, and every extra
hour we put in at work is an hour that takes us away from another priority. In the whirlwind of each day, week and so on,
it is important to remember that we are human and can only accomplish so
much. That is okay.
I have learned the importance of planning. Early in the morning or the night before is a
great time to make a plan of attack, prioritize and attempt to have a strategy
to make each day productive. A half hour
or so in a quiet room with a cup of coffee, my thoughts and pen and paper are
what work best for me. However, despite
our best laid plans, our days typically don’t go quite as we may envision, but at
least we have a focus to start with.
With many items on our to-do list each day, multi-tasking seems to be a
common approach people use in today’s busy world; and some multi-tasking is
necessary. With many balls to juggle
each day, it is important to try to keep them all in the air, and with many
tasks requiring varying degrees of doing and waiting, it is necessary to keep
track of various items on our list each day.
However, multi-tasking is not always the best approach. Although we may have a multitude of balls in
the air at one time, it is important to give each one the attention it deserves
or sooner or later they may all come crashing down. It is important to try to focus on one item
at a time. A morning plan can help us
prioritize where to focus our energy while not losing track of the rest of the
items on the list. Although it is
tempting to frequently switch gears among the other ten things on our list, it
is more effective to finish each task (if possible) before moving on to the
next. Switching gears and coming back to
half-finished projects requires more time to adjust and refocus than it would
have taken to originally focus on one thing at a time. Every task may seem urgent and critical to
someone; but in the end, our own health and wellbeing are just as critical as
any important task may be. We must remember
that it is okay to leave some things in our “inbox”. Our own health and wellbeing are more important
than finishing every task.
Although it may seem counter-productive, taking a short walk on a
break, eating lunch away from our desk or stopping to have a short chat with a
coworker (about something other than work) can be just what we need to come down
from a “stress high”, get refocused and stay productive for the rest of the
day. It is also important to take a few
minutes, if possible, to delegate some tasks to others. Taking enough time to focus and clearly
explain expectations to allow others to handle a project can be beneficial in
the long run. Another strategy that may be easier said than
done is to keep extra/unnecessary tasks from landing in our inbox in the first
place – it is truly okay to “just say no.”
Although it is common to predict what others may think of us or how a
project may fall short if we don’t take on a task, in the end, if we don’t have
time to focus on the proposed project properly, it may be more beneficial to
allow someone else to handle it. We can
still offer some advice, but then we must allow ourselves to move on and let it
go. In essence, we must be our own
parent – setting boundaries, disciplining ourselves and telling ourselves (and
others) “no.”
Stress of Parenting. Parenting may be the most important job we
will ever have – and it can be stressful.
When children are young, they demand constant attention, when they are
teenagers, they elicit frequent concern, and when they are grown up, they still
need our advice. Take time to enjoy the
moments – every last one of them! Don’t
let other stressors steal your focus and take control of your time with your
family. The next thing we know, our children are on
the verge of growing up – and that thought alone can be unsettling! Although parenting requires that we give our
best and our all, it is important to remember that our best is good enough – it
doesn’t have to be perfect – and some days it may actually be our worst. Again, taking a few quiet moments before the
“chaos” of the day begins (or when it comes to a close), can be very beneficial. Taking care of ourselves essentially makes us
better parents and sets a good example for our kids as well. You want your kids to be healthy right? I bet your mother would want the same for you
…
Relationships. Positive relationships can offer us support in
stressful times, act as a buffer to the effects of our anxieties, and can help
us to be better versions of ourselves. These
relationships can be formed with a spouse or significant other, family,
friends, coworkers and others.
A spouse/significant other and close friends are those we choose to
have in our lives. These should be
people that help us to be our best selves (and we should do the same for
them.) These relationships should be
supportive, giving us a sense of stability when dealing with stressors in the
rest of the world. This type of
relationship requires effort (from both partners) and when involved in a
healthy, positive relationship, it can be amazing. However, sometimes these relationships may be
unhealthy. Negative relationships can drain
us of our energy and can be toxic to our wellbeing. It is important to recognize these negative
relationships and avoid letting them pollute our minds and cause us
stress. Stand up for yourself. In the end, a decision needs to be made
whether to stay in or leave a toxic relationship. The choice is yours.
Unfortunately, we do not have the choice to completely walk away from
every negative relationship in our lives.
Some less personal relationships such as a friendly acquaintance or coworker,
perhaps an extended family member, or even an ex-significant other (particularly
if there are children involved), may need to continue to have a role in our
lives despite their negative impact. In
these cases, it is important to learn effective tactics to deal with these
toxic personalities to help prevent or buffer any further conflict. But most of all, don’t forget to make sure
that you are not someone else’s negative in a relationship!
And then there is family. We may
not have chosen our family members, exactly, but each one is in our lives for a
reason and there is no greater love than the love of family. Keep them close. Be there for each other. Allow them to be there for you. There will always be a bond, filled with
memories and understanding, and there will always be a support that can cross all
boundaries, including time, miles, arguments and even eternity.
In the end, even if your other relationships are negative or few, it is
okay. You will be okay. It is important to remember to have a
positive relationship with yourself. When
it is all said and done, you can either be your own best friend or your own
worst critic. Find something in your
life to be grateful for … no matter how small.
Expressing your gratitude and having faith in yourself along with a
higher power can pull you out of the deepest stressors, bringing peace, grace
and strength when needed the most.
Change. Change is
stressful. Good or bad, it is still taxing,
and it is also inevitable. Change can
involve all other areas of our lives – many of which are already demanding in
the first place. Changes often happen in
our work lives and that can be scary. Becoming
a new parent or sending children off to college can both be difficult. Starting a new relationship or marriage can
be exciting and dealing with a toxic relationship can leave us unnerved. No matter if a life event is positive or
negative, it is still stressful. Ultimately,
change always comes with an unknown – and it can be scary!
What Can You Do? Take Care of
You. To summarize a few points I
eluded to earlier, it is very important to take care of yourself, particularly
in the midst of stress. Allow yourself
time for a break. Go to lunch. Call a friend. Learn to say “no” and recognize that it is
okay for your “inbox” to be full.
Exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet. Although a glass of wine may take you down
from a stress high at the end of a nerve-racking day or week and a bag of salty
chips may feed your emotions when feeling overwhelmed, do not make a habit of
these things. Trust me – these unhealthy
habits will end up causing you more stress down the road.
Stay in the present – plan for tomorrow, but focus on today. Find joy in the moments and be grateful for
each one. Try relaxing tactics such as
deep breathing, yoga, meditation and prayer.
Read an inspirational book. Get a
massage.
Take a moment to stop and think … internally accept what you are going
through. Take some time to write … brainstorm
your thoughts and journal your emotions (you may not even know what is causing your
stress.) Create a list of goals with
action plans, jot down a to-do list, try a list of pros and cons. Now
let it go for a while. Focus on tasks at
hand. But in a few days, a week or even a
month or so – refocus – take a look at what you had written down. Ideally, take a look at these things when you
are no longer in the stress of the moment.
Have your thoughts changed? Do you
still have the same perspectives? Are
your realities still true? If so, it
might be time to do something more advantageous.
Take action. Do something today
that is productive, proactive and positive to handle the thing that is causing
you stress. Start an exercise program,
try a new strategy, leave a job, go back to school, ask for help, leave a toxic relationship, make
a move. Sometimes, simply making a
decision to act can make a world of a difference. Although change is often stressful, sometimes
it is necessary, and often it is more the fear of the change that is actually
causing you stress. Change always comes
with an unknown – and it can be scary! You
may be asking yourself, “What will happen next?
What will people think? What if I regret a decision? What if I make a
mistake? What if I fail?”
Well … What if you don’t?
